1-corinthians10-13 asked: benny! hey its carly! :) follow me dork!

haha ok!

I was sitting in church this morning and the pastor asked, “If God asked you for anything, what would you wish for?” and he listed off the normal things that people would ask for….fame, money beyond belief, a new car/truck, and I remember sitting there thinking, man my life is so not normal. Those would be the last things I would wish for, the number one thing I’d ask God, like I’ve been doing for years now, is to heal my mom from the devastating cancer, that’s slowly taking her life. It kills me inside to see her eery day now. She’s doing much worse, and not a day goes by that she doesn’t cry. Without a doubt, that would be the number one thing. Number two, to help me figure out what I’m going to do with my life, what my future job will be, what his plan is for my life, because right now it’s pretty much a blur. I know business management is my major, no idea what my minor is, but that’s all I got. I’m scared to death, I wish life went back to how it used to be. It’s as if growing up just knocked on my door and I have to or else I’m screwed. God help me find my way. Give me the girl that you want me to be with and help me to stop making stupid decisions. I’m no where near where I should be with you, in fact, I don’t think I’ve EVER been in a worse spot. I feel so empty, yet I can’t let go of what’s going on inside me. It’s the worst battle I’ve ever had to endure. Satin has his claws in me so deep, and it’s unbelievably hard to take them out. I need friends again. I’m so alone. I know no one will read this letter…but for some reason I really needed to get whats in my head..down on words. All the friends my age are drunks and druggies, and all my old christian friends have left to go to college, and i’m here at good ol century, because my mom needs me right now. I’m here everyday with her, helping around the house and so on. She can’t even pull her socks off, it hurts too much. I don’t know what the point of this message is, I guess…it’s I wish I had someone to talk to. That unbelievably close friend. I’ve shut myself off from everybody, meaning I act pretty much like life is going well. I might touch on something here and there in conversation, but never give the real details. I never show emotion in a conversation, or true feelings of how much pain I’m in internally. I guess it’s that whole “nice Minnesota” thing. I just want that really good friend.